Graduation One Liners
By Doug Hoffman
Various Anonymous (famous Greeks no doubt):
- I'll be honest. I did not graduate at the top of my class. In fact, I was so close to the bottom, my sheepskin had a tail.
- Everyone could tell our son was a (Tigers) fan. When he was handed his diploma, he dropped it.
- I remember my guidance counselor. The guy studied for years for his job, and deepest thing he ever said to me was, "You have your whole life ahead of you."
- I’d advise you graduates to keep your graduation gown. It’s the only outfit you might not outgrow.
- One thing you learn from looking at high school graduation photos –there's a fortune to be made in dermatology.
- In my graduation picture my nose is too big, my eyes are too far apart, and mouth is lopsided. My face looks like it was put together by Picasso.
- Graduation is when you separate the students from the athletes.
- One thing about the school of experience is that it will repeat the lesson if you flunk the first time.
- You cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom.
- A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
- Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
- The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
- It was only when I finished the course and left my graduation diploma on the bus that I realized I'd become an actor.
- Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
- I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at 4:00 in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today.
- If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.
- Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught.
- Study hard; and you might grow up to be President. But let's face it: Even then, you'll never make as much money as your dog.
W. H. Auden
- A professor is someone who talks in someone else's sleep.
Graduation Fun Liners. Retrieved December 30, 2008, from halife.com/daily/archives/graduation_fun-liners.html